Attorney
Have you ever seen one of those decision-making flowcharts that is a series of boxes and lines? It asks you a question, and if you answer yes you follow one line. If you answer no, you follow a different line. (Dr. Sheldon Cooper actually drew up a pretty impressive one on an episode of The Big Bang Theory called “The Friendship Algorithm” when he was trying to expand his social circle.)
They are very helpful for logic-based decision-making, so you would think attorneys would be all over them. But we aren’t. In the legal world there are too many “it depends” to make a good flowchart. Instead, we are — as the kids would say — in our feels making decisions based on vibes.
But that doesn’t mean that we throw logic out the window. It just means that many of the choices we make, particularly in the family law world, are heavily influenced by the circumstances, beliefs, and feelings of the parties involved.
Different Paths to Divorce
The path to divorce is the perfect example of why a flowchart doesn’t fit family law well. The end goal in every divorce is the same, but the process for getting there can vary widely under New Mexico law. Couples in the Albuquerque area are doing everything from DIYing it with self-help forms from the state court system, to getting a traditional divorce with two attorneys, to working with a mediator who can do everything for both parties.
It is the last option — mediation — that is growing in popularity as people hear that working with a mediator speeds up the divorce process and saves money on legal fees. But it is not a pathway to divorce that works for every couple.
In this blog post, attorney and trained mediator Bob Matteucci will go through some of the pros and cons of mediation and outline what makes a couple well (or ill) suited for the process.
Pros and Cons of Mediation
While a flowchart may be a poor way to decide if mediation is for you. A pro and con list may do the trick.
Pros of Mediated Divorce
- Privacy – Mediation sessions are confidential, unlike court hearings which are public record.
- Control – You and your spouse, not a judge, make the decisions about your future.
- Efficiency – Mediation is often faster than traditional litigation.
- Cost-Effective – Generally less expensive than going to court because you are only working with one attorney/mediator instead of two attorneys.
- Preserves Relationships – A collaborative tone can protect co-parenting and family dynamics.
- Flexibility – Sessions can be scheduled around your business and personal life.
- Creative Solutions – Mediation allows for customized agreements, especially useful for business owners or unique asset structures.
- Less Stressful – The process tends to be more respectful and less adversarial.
Mediation Cons
- Not Always Faster – If mediation drags on without resolution, you may still end up in court, adding time and cost.
- No Formal Discovery Process – There’s no mandatory document exchange like in litigation; one spouse could withhold financial information unless both are committed to transparency.
- No Legal Advice from the Mediator – A mediator must remain neutral and cannot advise either party, so hiring separate legal counsel may still be necessary.
- Unsuitable for High Conflict Cases – If trust is broken or emotions run high, mediation can be unproductive or even harmful.
- May Not Work with Power Imbalances – Mediation requires both parties to participate in good faith; it may not be suitable in cases involving coercion, manipulation, or abuse.
- Not Legally Binding (Until Finalized) – Agreements must be formalized into a court order to be enforceable.
What Makes You a Good Candidate for Divorce Mediation?
If you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to getting divorced, and are ready to resolve any disputes you have, mediation may be right for you.
There are no winners or losers in this process, just people who are ready to move forward with their lives, but must make some difficult decisions first. For example, if you have complex business assets that must be divided up, mediation may be a good way to get that done.
When Is Mediation Not the Best Solution?
Despite its benefits, mediation isn’t for everyone. Attorney Bob Matteucci generally discourages mediation when:
- There is a history of domestic violence or abuse because the victim often agrees to whatever the abuser wants out of fear or intimidation.
- When one or both parties is highly argumentative or confrontational.
- Either party refuses to accept that their marriage is over.
Serving Families with Dignity & Compassion
Mediation can save a couple money, time, and the headaches that come with more adversarial forms of divorce. The process gives a divorcing couple the ability to work out their differences and craft a separation agreement that truly fits their unique needs.
If you and your soon-to-be-former partner think mediation might be a good fit for you, but you don’t know where to start, Attorney Bob Matteucci is here to help. Contact the Matteucci Family Law Firm today to schedule a meeting.