Attorney
If you were alive during the ‘90s there’s No Doubt you know the answer to this question. “Don’t Speak” is one of the greatest breakup songs of all time, and a decent bit of advice for divorcing couples in the Albuquerque area.
The lyrics capture the emotional angst of splitting up with someone who once was your best friend. And are a reminder that staying silent is sometimes the best way to help both of you move forward.
Don’t speak, I know just what you’re sayin’
If you are getting a divorce, the time for hashing things out and having a heart to heart is past. You have both said everything that is important, and probably know what the other person is thinking without them having to say another word.
It is unlikely you can repair your relationship at this point — or would want to even if you could. So, anything you say from this point forward should be said with care. Your words and actions should help bring your marriage to a close and build the foundation for whatever your relationship with your soon-to-be-ex will look like in the future.
So please stop explainin’
And what the future looks like matters a great deal. Don’t speak doesn’t apply if you are figuring out how to co-parent, managing jointly owned real estate, or running a business together. In those situations, you are going to have to talk to one another.
As you communicate with one another about these topics, stick to the matter at hand. Hammer out the kids’ schedule, figure out who is calling the plumber when the sink starts leaking again, and consider setting a formal agenda if you have business issues to discuss. Don’t stray toward emotionally charged issues or discuss your legal strategy.
Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts
If your lives are going to remain intertwined, and you have a decent relationship with one another, you might want to consider getting a collaborative divorce or working with a mediator instead of seeking a traditional split.
Couples opting for collaborative divorce bring financial planners and family counselors to the negotiating table to work through issues and lay a foundation for the future.
Mediation is the preferred choice of couples who generally agree on the terms of their divorce but need assistance resolving a few high-stakes conflicts or fairly dividing complex assets. The mediator, a neutral third party, works towards steering both sides to a mutually acceptable resolution, and drafts all the paperwork necessary to formalize the divorce.
These processes allow you and your former partner to express your needs and concerns in a controlled setting, with the guidance of professionals who can facilitate a productive dialogue.
Don’t speak, I know what you’re thinkin’
If you do speak with your spouse while your divorce is pending, it’s wise to keep track of all communications. This includes text messages, emails, and notes from phone conversations. Having a documented trail can protect you if disputes arise later on.
New Mexico is a one-party consent state when it comes to recording conversations, so you should be mindful of the fact that your former partner may be recording your interactions without telling you they are doing so. If this is something you are interested in doing, you should speak with your attorney about your plans before playing James Bond.
I don’t need your reasons
Whether you choose to take Gwen Stefani’s advice and keep your lips sealed, or you need to talk to your partner about a few specific issues to ensure your children, property, and business interests are protected during your divorce, Attorney Bob Matteucci can help you navigate the emotional minefield of divorce. Please contact him today to schedule a meeting.