Attorney
You’ve spent your career walking into important meetings. You know being prepared makes all the difference in the world, and that’s just as true as you walk into your first meeting between you and your attorney and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and their attorney as it is when you walk into a boardroom.
Except this time the stakes are personal. This meeting can feel like nothing else you’ve prepared for. Feeling nervous, or even a little emotional, doesn’t mean you’re unprepared, it means you’re human.
The structure of the collaborative divorce process exists precisely so that emotion doesn’t derail progress. But knowing what to expect, and what to bring with you, is the best way to walk in ready instead of rattled.
On the Agenda: Understanding the Four-Way Meeting
Collaborative divorce centers on what’s called a four-way meeting: you, your spouse, and each of your collaboratively trained attorneys, all in the same room, working toward a shared goal: a divorce that works for both of you.
Depending on the complexity of your finances, a neutral financial professional or divorce coach may also be at the table. Everyone in the room is there to help you reach a resolution, not to advocate against your spouse.
Before that first meeting, most attorneys will ask both spouses to sign a Participation Agreement. This document is the foundation of the entire process. It commits both of you and your attorneys to resolving the divorce outside of court, and it includes a key provision: if the collaborative process breaks down and either spouse decides to litigate, both attorneys must withdraw. That built-in accountability is what keeps everyone genuinely invested in finding common ground.
What to Bring: Your Meeting Checklist
Preparing for the first four-way meeting is similar to prepping for a strategic planning session, but without the buzzwords. Focusing on your end goal and what it takes to get you there can help you pull together the information you will need to get started.
At a minimum, bring along:
- Your calendar or scheduling constraints — collaborative divorce moves at the pace the participants set, so knowing your availability helps map out a realistic timeline
- A written list of goals and priorities — not demands, but what matters most to you: keeping the business intact, co-parenting logistics, timeline for finalizing
- Questions for the neutrals — if a financial professional or coach is joining, come with the questions you want their expertise to answer
If you haven’t already exchanged this information through your attorneys, it can be helpful to bring:
- Financial statements — recent bank, investment, and retirement account statements for a clear starting picture
- Income documentation — pay stubs, tax returns (typically the last two to three years), and business financials if you own a company or professional practice
- A list of assets and debts — even a rough draft helps the team identify what needs deeper valuation work
Remember, the first meeting is about establishing structure and expectations. You won’t be finalizing anything, so don’t stress out if you are still pulling together information, or haven’t received all the documents you had hoped to from your spouse.
Serving Families with Dignity & Compassion
Knowing who’s in the room, what’s on the agenda, and what you can do to prepare for the first four-way meeting should give you confidence that collaborative divorce is the right choice for you and your family.
If you still have questions, Bob Matteucci is here for you. As a seasoned family law attorney, member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), and a former business owner, he is ready to help you navigate this process and move forward with your life. Contact Bob today to set up a meeting.