Co-parenting may be new to you, but there are plenty of other “co” words out there that give you a sense of the pitfalls, perils, and potential this period of your life can bring.
As co-founders, you and your former partner are expected to work together to care for your children. Just like in the business world, you will share some responsibilities while being expected to handle other things on your own based on your child’s needs and your ability to fill them.
Together, you are your child’s co-signers when they need emotional support and the guidance only a parent can give. Even if you do not have primary physical custody of your child (perhaps you are more of a co-host?), you will likely share the burden of making decisions on your child’s behalf and guiding them to adulthood.
Hopefully, co-parenting will go so smoothly you will never be a co-defendant. But you and your child’s other parent will almost certainly be co-conspirators as you communicate plans and work together to help your child grow.
When you need co-counsel during your co-parenting journey, Attorney Bob Matteucci is here for you. Bob is a seasoned family law attorney who is dedicated to helping families in the Albuquerque area move beyond the divorce or separation process and plan for the future. In the co-parenting context, this means focusing on what is best for your child and the rest of your family in the long-term while crafting a strategy that moves you in that direction.
Co-Parenting: Raising a Child Together When You Are No Longer “Together”
As a parent, you know that every decision you make — big or small — carries extra weight. The choices you make don’t just affect you, they also impact your child.
This awesome responsibility is thrown into stark relief when you split up with your child’s other parent. It becomes even more clear how dramatically the choices you make can shape your child’s values, behaviors, and overall outlook on life. And it highlights how precious the time you spend with them truly is.
New Mexico policymakers understand this, which is why our state’s child custody laws emphasize the importance of both parents playing a role in their child’s life. NM Stat § 40-4-9.1 (2021), actually includes a presumption that joint legal custody should be awarded (unless one parent is completely unfit for the job because of addiction, abuse, or mental illness), and both parents be tasked with working together to make certain their child’s needs are met. The law specifies that:
(1) each parent shall have significant, well-defined periods of responsibility for the child;
(2) each parent shall have, and be allowed and expected to carry out, responsibility for the child’s financial, physical, emotional, and developmental needs during that parent’s periods of responsibility; and
(3) the parents shall consult with each other on major decisions involving the child before implementing those decisions.
This language emphasizes the important roles both parents play, meaning co-parenting is baked into our state law.
Common Co-Parenting Challenges
Even when both parents want what’s best for their children, and are committed to making co-parenting work, many issues can arise:
- Scheduling Conflicts: Work schedules, business travel, long hours, and client obligations can clash with parenting time. Without a flexible and clear parenting plan, tension can mount quickly.
- Decision-Making Authority: Who decides where the child goes to school, whether they need therapy, or what medical treatment they receive? If these responsibilities aren’t clearly spelled out, it can lead to repeated conflict.
- Communication Breakdowns: Professionals often rely on assistants, calendars, and systems to manage their work life. Co-parenting needs the same structure. Without it, missed pickups, late-night texts, and passive-aggressive messages can escalate.
- New Partners and Boundaries: Introducing new romantic partners, or setting rules that apply in both households, can stir up emotional and legal complications.
- Relocation and Travel: Whether it’s a job opportunity or family vacation, even short-term travel plans can be a legal issue if the other parent doesn’t agree.
Addressing this issues head-on, by putting your co-parenting agreement in writing, can help you overcome even the most difficult challenges.
Putting Your Co-Parenting Agreement in Writing
It does not matter if you were married to your child’s other parent or not, or you are going through the world’s most amicable divorce, you need to have a formal child custody agreement and parenting plan in place to protect your children and your relationship with them.
These documents serve as the foundation of your co-parenting relationship by getting into the nitty gritty details on physical custody, and outlining how you will tackle shared legal custody.
- Physical custody is how much time you get to spend with your child.
- Legal custody is your right to have a say in your child’s religion, education, child care, recreational activities, and medical and dental care.
Your parenting plan should address both types of custody, and include specific details about how much time your child will spend with each parent, where the child will spend various holidays, how they will travel between houses, and how flexible you should be when a special event or emergency pops up and you wish to deviate from the typical custody schedule.
Beyond that, your parenting plan can include whatever you feel is appropriate. Most families choose to include:
- Educational plans including listing the schools the child will attend or already attends.
- Statements about religious, cultural, or family values one or both parents want to ensure are respected.
- Guidelines to follow when decisions about the child’s health must be made.
- Information about how the child can communicate with either parent, and how the parents will communicate with one another.
- A plan for resolving disputes.
Putting in the work necessary to flesh out these issues early on lays the groundwork for a positive co-parenting experience. The Matteucci Law team can draft the language that reflects whatever you and your former partner agree to, and let you know if there are other issues you may want to discuss before seeking court approval.
Serving Families with Dignity & Compassion
Co-parenting requires more than good intentions; it requires cooperation, communication, coordination, and a commitment to peacefully coexist.
Whether you are just starting to navigate the co-parenting process, drafting or updating a parenting plan, or resolving an unexpected dispute, Attorney Bob Matteucci is here to help. Please contact Bob today to set up a meeting.