When parents decide to divorce or separate, it is always an emotionally charged situation. Even when the split itself is amicable, hammering out a child custody agreement often becomes a point of contention.
It is easy to slip into a win-lose mindset when time spent with your flesh and blood is what you are bargaining for. But custody isn’t a prize to be won, it is a shared responsibility. So the actual winners in these situations are the families who create a workable, child-centered framework that allows both parents to remain meaningfully involved while giving children the consistency, security, and love they need to thrive.
As a business owner turned lawyer, Bob Matteucci of Matteucci Family law has years of experience in high-stakes negotiations. He knows how to steer you toward an agreement crafted with compassion, cooperation, and your child’s best interests at its heart.
How New Mexico Defines Child Custody
When most people hear the word “custody” they think it is all about the amount of time you get to spend with their child. But New Mexico law actually divides custody into two distinct concepts: legal custody and physical custody.
- Legal custody is a parent’s decision-making authority. It is your ability to make major decisions about your child’s education, healthcare, religion, and extracurricular activities.
- Physical custody is all about where a child lives and how parenting time is shared.
Both of these are important, and both are generally shared. In fact, New Mexico law presumes that parents will share joint custody. Joint, however, does not mean equal.
Joint legal custody does not require parents to go to every doctor appointment or parent-teacher conference together. But it does require a child’s parents to communicate with one another about major issues in their child’s life, share information with one another, and act in their children’s best interests.
Joint physical custody can take many forms. Some families choose near-equal parenting time, while others adopt schedules that account for their unique work demands, school routines, or their child’s developmental needs.
Because legal and physical custody are customized to meet each family’s needs, there aren’t two families in the entire Albuquerque area with identical child custody agreements!
The Court’s Focus: The Best Interests of the Child
Customizing a child custody agreement to fit your family involves negotiating behind closed doors instead of settling your differences in open court. However, a New Mexico family court judge will need to approve any plan you come up with.
Rather than adhering to a rigid formula like they do in child support cases, judges try to determine if a proposed agreement is in the best interests of the child. To do this, they focus on the following factors:
- the child’s preferences and needs;
- the child’s wishes;
- the relationship your child has with you, his or her mother, siblings, and extended family members or other people important to the child;
- the child’s adjustment to his or her home, school, and community; and
- the mental and physical health of all individuals involved.
These are the same factors the judge would consider, and the same standard he or she would apply if you could not come to an agreement and instead needed to litigate.
Why Litigation Is Usually the Last Resort
Although litigation is one way to resolve child custody disputes, it is rarely the best starting point for families who want to move forward peacefully. Litigation increases the emotional strain on your family and often drags out the resolution of your case. It also puts the future of your family in the hands of a complete stranger, who will do his or her best to reach an informed decision, but will never know your family the way you do.
Instead of resorting to litigation, Attorney Bob Matteucci will typically recommend one of the following tactics when it seems like a couple will never be able to craft a child custody agreement through traditional negotiation:
Settlement Facilitation
In a settlement facilitation, a neutral third party (usually a retired judge) will work with you, your former partner, and your lawyers to negotiate a settlement. The facilitator doesn’t decide who is right and who is wrong, or impose their own will on you like a judge would, but instead helps push you towards an agreement.
How this usually works is you and your former partner will set up camp in separate conference rooms. The facilitator will go from one room to the other to talk with both sides and understand the issues. Then, the facilitator will propose a solution that appeals to both sides.
Mediation
Mediation is similar to settlement facilitation, in that a neutral third party works towards steering both sides to a mutually acceptable resolution. But it is a bit more formalized because the mediator can draft up documents memorializing the agreement struck. In fact, divorcing couples who opt for mediation can choose to jointly hire a mediator instead of hiring separate attorneys to handle their divorce.
Collaborative Divorce
Couples in the Albuquerque area who still trust and respect one another, but no longer want to be married to each other, are increasingly opting for collaborative divorces. Attorney Bob Matteucci is one of a handful of lawyers in New Mexico who are certified to guide couples through this process, which brings professionals like financial planners and counselors to the negotiating table. This can be a great option for parents who want their children to be supported by a therapist or even add their own two cents during negotiations.
Most custody matters are better resolved through negotiation, mediation, or collaborative processes, where parents retain control and solutions can be tailored to their specific needs. These approaches are especially effective for families with complex schedules or professional responsibilities that demand flexibility.
Parenting Plans: Turning Intent into Structure
Once a basic child custody agreement is struck, the details of it must be fleshed out in a parenting plan. These legally-required documents function as something like an operating agreement for your family.
They spell out who has primary physical custody and how visitation will work, but they also go into the nitty gritty details on many issues that are more related to legal than physical custody.
A thoughtful parenting plan typically addresses:
- Weekly and holiday parenting schedules
- Transportation and exchanges
- Decision-making authority and communication expectations
- Procedures for resolving future disagreements
- Guidelines for travel, relocations, and schedule adjustments
Addressing these details upfront reduces misunderstandings and minimizes the need for court involvement later. Parenting plans should be structured, realistic, and adaptable — designed to evolve as children grow and circumstances change.
Co-Parenting is the Foundation of Success
The most successful custody arrangements are built on co-parenting, not court orders alone. Co-parenting recognizes that while a marriage may end, parenting does not. Children benefit when their parents can communicate respectfully, resolve disagreements constructively, and present a united front on important issues.
Effective co-parenting does not require a close personal relationship. It requires maturity, consistency, and a shared commitment to your children’s long-term stability, values that resonate deeply with business owners, professionals, and other high-income families.
A strong co-parenting framework helps reduce conflict and create predictability for both parents and children.
Frequently Asked Questions about Child Custody
While every family in the Albuquerque area is different, many have similar questions about child custody.
Can we agree on custody without going to court?
Yes and no. Most parents resolve custody issues through negotiation or mediation and submit an agreed parenting plan to the court for approval. So, you don’t have to broadcast your family’s personal business in open court, but you will have to have the agreement you reach in private approved by the court to make it official.
Is joint custody required?
This is another yes and no answer. Our state’s child custody laws emphasize the importance of both parents playing a role in their child’s life. NM Stat § 40-4-9.1 (2021), actually includes a presumption that joint legal custody should be awarded. However, New Mexico family court judges do not hesitate to sever the ties between parent and child when there is evidence of domestic abuse, substance abuse, parental alienation, or other acts indicating that a parent does not have their child’s best interests at heart.
What if our current custody agreement is no longer working?
Custody agreements can be modified if there is a material change in circumstances and the modification is in the child’s best interests. Thoughtful plans often include the flexibility to make slight adjustments without going back to court.
What happens when one parent moves away from the area?
Most people are willing to update their child custody agreement in response to one parent’s desire to move.
Does custody affect child support?
Yes. Parenting time is one factor used to calculate child support in New Mexico, but they are two separate issues. What is best for your child is more important than what impact a particular arrangement will have on your pocketbook.
Do mothers automatically get custody in New Mexico?
No. New Mexico law does not favor one parent over the other based on gender. Custody decisions are based on the child’s best interests and each parent’s ability to meet those needs.
At what age can a child decide which parent to live with in New Mexico?
There is no specific age at which a child can decide which parent to live with in New Mexico, however, a Judge is more apt to take a child’s wishes into consideration if they are age 14 or older.
Can someone other than a child’s parents seek custody?
Yes. New Mexico law recognizes the fact that many adults unrelated to a child by blood play an important role in that child’s life. It is possible for parents un-related by blood to establish paternity and seek custody. Grandparents or other adults with a close relationship to a child may also be able to step in if the child’s birth parents are unable or unwilling to fulfill their duties.
Serving Families with Dignity & Compassion
Negotiating a child custody agreement is never simple because the stakes involved are so high. But for families who value professionalism, cooperation, and long-term planning, taking a calm, well-structured approach to custody is possible.
Attorney Bob Matteucci is a seasoned family law attorney who has helped countless families in the Albuquerque area develop a plan that fits their unique needs. Please contact him today to set up a meeting.
Matteucci Family Law Firm helps families with child custody matters all across New Mexico including Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Los Lunas, and Rio Rancho.